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2017/08/20 15:52:50
Subject: Re:Ask teh Space Emporer!
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Raging Rat Ogre
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Dear TechPreist JHN-Y5,
Innovation is not a bad thing. Now I know change is scary. Especially if large parts of your body consist out of out dated technology. Innovation is what made me create all my wonderous inventions, before I was put on this Golden chair by my good for nothing son. Innovation is what led humanity to the stars. Innovation is what created 98% of your bodies mechanical parts. It is responsible for anything from farming to medical treatments. From the weapons we use and the starships we fly.
Now how innovative ideas are used is what makes the difference. Maybe you should ask Cawl for an intelligence upgrade if innovation still scares you. I mean floathing tanks are awesome! My Custodes used them all the time back in the day. Those where fun times. All it took to win a battle was ME and my army of golden men.
I hope innovation will eventually make it possible for me to get off this throne and go around kicking the crap out of everyone responsible for the mess we are currently in!
Yours sincerely
The Emperor.
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Dear Golden Granddad,
Blessing upon you and your most loyal son, our father Rogal Dorn.
I was patrolling the local Hive city of Necromunda the other day, looking for potential recruits for our chapter and some guy passing by gave me a "thumbs up". What gang does that represent?
Yours sincerely,
Thramion Polunus
One of your most loyal Astartes of the Imperial Fists and guardians of Holy Terra.
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A hemophobic Khorne berzerker, a germophobic plague marine and a sexy Skaven walk in to a Games workshop.....
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We mark the lands with blood, in fire we prevail.
We are tremendous. We are the end of days.
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It ain't appropriate for anybody, baby. That's the siren call!
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2017/08/21 13:54:07
Subject: Re:Ask teh Space Emporer!
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Ancient Ultramarine Venerable Dreadnought
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korbenn wrote:
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Dear Golden Granddad,
Blessing upon you and your most loyal son, our father Rogal Dorn.
I was patrolling the local Hive city of Necromunda the other day, looking for potential recruits for our chapter and some guy passing by gave me a "thumbs up". What gang does that represent?
Yours sincerely,
Thramion Polunus
One of your most loyal Astartes of the Imperial Fists and guardians of Holy Terra.
Dear Polunus,
Adeptus Astartes are well liked by the Imperium. That is why they gave you a thumbs up.
Regards,
Teh Space Emporer
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Dear Emperor,
Anything interesting happen in your throne room lately?
Did you watch the 2017 Solar Eclipse at all? If so, where did you watch it from?
Regards,
Somebody with a curious mind
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INSANE army lists still available!!!! Now being written in 8th edition format! I have Index Imperium 1, Index Imperium 2, Index Xenos 2, Codex Orks Codex Tyranids, Codex Blood Angels and Codex Space Marines!
PM me for an INSANE (100K+ points) if you desire.
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2017/08/29 16:30:36
Subject: Re:Ask teh Space Emporer!
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[MOD]
Otiose in a Niche
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KaptinBadrukk wrote:
Dear Emperor,
Anything interesting happen in your throne room lately?
Did you watch the 2017 Solar Eclipse at all? If so, where did you watch it from?
Regards,
Somebody with a curious mind
Well some kid named Bobby came by, said he was my nephew or son or something, seemed like a nice kid, I gave him one my old pocked knives and he was all 'golly, gosh thank you'. So there was that.
As for the eclipse I missed it since I spent all of 2017 on the surface of the sun. It seemed the best place to get away from Trump's Twitter feed.
Sincerely,
The Pale and Unhealthy Looking Emperor
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Dear Sir,
I am shocked and saddened to hear that Hasbro has taken offense at our popular and educational cartoon My Little Carnifex: Friends are Sustenance. I truly do not see how they could see any sort of trademark infringement in our characters Twilight Bioplasma or Rainbow Furious Charge. My Little Carnifax is a completely original property like Genetic Transformers and GS Joe!
I certainly hope we can work things out without resorting to litigation. Think of all the people whose livelihoods would be threatened.
For as our popular character Optimus Dominatrix says "Sustenance is the right of all sentience beings."
We ask that Hasbro's lawyers meet us on the Planet of Delicious Animals in the Barbecue Sector.
Perhaps you could join us? For as Flutter Shriek says "A true, true friend helps a friend in need - by contributing her biomass to the collective."
Sincerely
Hy V. Fleet
Chairman and CEO of Four-Armed Toys Unlimited
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2017/09/09 19:19:19
Subject: Re:Ask teh Space Emporer!
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Raging Rat Ogre
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Dear mr. Fleet.
Why do all you people insist in involving me your legal battle.
You make wish that after abolishing Religion I should have abolished copyright laws.
I suggest instead of sending you messages to me you send them directly towards each others legal department.
Preferably through the administrative hell that is the Adaptus Administratum as punishment for wasting my time.
Yours sincerely,
The Emperor of Mankind
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Dear Emperor,
Why does the sun shine?
Faithfully yours.
Imperial Hive Citizen 213445
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A hemophobic Khorne berzerker, a germophobic plague marine and a sexy Skaven walk in to a Games workshop.....
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We mark the lands with blood, in fire we prevail.
We are tremendous. We are the end of days.
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It ain't appropriate for anybody, baby. That's the siren call!
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2017/09/12 18:05:25
Subject: Re:Ask teh Space Emporer!
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Ancient Ultramarine Venerable Dreadnought
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korbenn wrote:
Dear Emperor,
Why does the sun shine?
Faithfully yours.
Imperial Hive Citizen 213445
Dear 213445,
The sun shines to keep us alive.
Regards,
Das emp
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Dear Emperor,
Who do you support? Please vote for one. Here are your candidates:
Bill de Blasio [ ]
Michael Tolkin [ ]
Richard Bashner [ ]
Robert Gangi [ ]
Sal Albanese [ ]
Please return your ballot to your assigned polling precinct.
Regards,
NYC Mayor Democratic Primary Ballot
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INSANE army lists still available!!!! Now being written in 8th edition format! I have Index Imperium 1, Index Imperium 2, Index Xenos 2, Codex Orks Codex Tyranids, Codex Blood Angels and Codex Space Marines!
PM me for an INSANE (100K+ points) if you desire.
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2017/09/27 09:03:41
Subject: Re:Ask teh Space Emporer!
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[MOD]
Otiose in a Niche
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KaptinBadrukk wrote:Dear Emperor,
Who do you support? Please vote for one. Here are your candidates:
Bill de Blasio [ ]
Michael Tolkin [ ]
Richard Bashner [ ]
Robert Gangi [ ]
Sal Albanese [ ]
Please return your ballot to your assigned polling precinct.
Regards,
NYC Mayor Democratic Primary Ballot
Dear Mr. Ballot,
As you know I consider New York one of the quaintest districts of my palace/city/world/thing. I often astraelly project there to have some bagels and lox, unfortunately the Carnegie Delhi was turned into a geothermal heat sink so i have to go to Katz which is good but not quite the same.
Anyway my point being it really don't matter who's the official hall monitor of Palace District X34-745-B, it's still the greatest city on Earth or Holy Terra or whatever you kids call it these days.
The E
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Dear Mr Teh Emporer
I am a big huge fan of My Little Armoured Fighting Vehicle! My favorites are Pinkie Predator and Apple Rhino. I also like Flutter Storm, Rainbow Speeder and Rarity Raider.
I don't like Twilight Annihilator though, ever since she was upgraded to Princess Twilight Annihilator Gunship she's bee a total Mary Sue and don't even get me started on Diamond Whirlwind, she's just a Cousin Oliver.
So anyway my question is, do you think this joke is played out yet?
Sincerely
Bronie on Bespin
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2017/09/27 12:29:39
Subject: Re:Ask teh Space Emporer!
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Ancient Ultramarine Venerable Dreadnought
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Kid_Kyoto wrote:
Dear Mr Teh Emporer
I am a big huge fan of My Little Armoured Fighting Vehicle! My favorites are Pinkie Predator and Apple Rhino. I also like Flutter Storm, Rainbow Speeder and Rarity Raider.
I don't like Twilight Annihilator though, ever since she was upgraded to Princess Twilight Annihilator Gunship she's bee a total Mary Sue and don't even get me started on Diamond Whirlwind, she's just a Cousin Oliver.
So anyway my question is, do you think this joke is played out yet?
Sincerely
Bronie on Bespin
Dear Bronie,
The joke is stopped, as I sent an assassin to assassinate all the ponies. You will stop being a brony.
Regards,
Big E
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Dear Emperor,
It is Judge Roy Moore. I just won the Alabama Senate Primary Runoff. I have many endorsements, including this one Illinoisan named Steve Baer. We're about to throw a major party, and not only have I invited you, but I am asking you to endorse me. I just cost Luther Strange his job, and I also want to defeat Doug Jones on December 12th, 2017.
Could you please endorse me?
Thank you,
Judge Roy Moore of Alabama
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INSANE army lists still available!!!! Now being written in 8th edition format! I have Index Imperium 1, Index Imperium 2, Index Xenos 2, Codex Orks Codex Tyranids, Codex Blood Angels and Codex Space Marines!
PM me for an INSANE (100K+ points) if you desire.
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2017/10/02 09:26:57
Subject: Re:Ask teh Space Emporer!
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[MOD]
Otiose in a Niche
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KaptinBadrukk wrote:
Dear Emperor,
It is Judge Roy Moore. I just won the Alabama Senate Primary Runoff. I have many endorsements, including this one Illinoisan named Steve Baer. We're about to throw a major party, and not only have I invited you, but I am asking you to endorse me. I just cost Luther Strange his job, and I also want to defeat Doug Jones on December 12th, 2017.
Could you please endorse me?
Thank you,
Judge Roy Moore of Alabama
Dear Mr. Of Alabama
If you know anything about me, anything at all, you will know that I will always support some named Luther Strange over someone named J Alabama or whatever your name is. You think I'd have made Sly Marbo a one-man army if he was named Dexter Little? You think I'd have made that chick a living Saint if her name was Candice and not Celestia? Listen to his name, let it roll off your tongue Luther Strange, he sounds like if Superman's arch villain became the Sorcerer Supreme and challanged Superman who as you know if vulnerable to magic!
Luther Strange... I mean not since Max Power has there been such a name.
So bow, BOW DOWN before the majesty of Luther Strange! Someone with such a name must truly be invicible! Here let me check this 38000 year old history book I have lying around and...
LOSER! Like I said that Luther washisname is a loser and I never even heard of the guy.
Of course I'll endorse you, Big E likes winners not losers!
Big E out!
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Dear The Space Emporer
As the Arch Commodore of Task Force 43 I received your assignment to seek out Dark Eldar Raiders in the "Arrg Make it Stop Please Please I'll Do Anything Ahhh!" Nebula, so named for the only broadcast ever successfully sent by the previous 42 task forces.
So anyway yeah my and the captains got together and decided it would just be better for everyone if we like deserted and went renegade. Steve over there is working up a cool logo and everything.
So I just wanted to ask if we need to fill out any forms or anything or if this letter will suffice?
Sincerely
Captain Adrienne AA Avenger
of the Vengeance Class Battlecruiser ISS Revenge
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2017/10/02 15:08:37
Subject: Ask teh Space Emporer!
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Stubborn Prosecutor
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Dear Captain,
Please note that according to article 133.23 of the Ecclisarchy Military standards field guide, going renegade does not excuse a task force from not performing out it's orders. You may only go renegade *after* your expedition in the 'Arrg!" nebula.
However, I am a generous emperor and have already had all of your friends, lovers, family members and sacks of kittens equivalents tied to stake in advance to help expedite the issue. You may report to the following coordinates for your retirement package upon completion of your mission and which wil include clemency for at least 50% of the gathered friends, lovers, family members and sack of kitten equivalents, up to 100% if your mission is successful.
I look forward to your success in my name,
The Space Emperor
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Dear Space Emperor,
My name is Timmins O'Dakka and I just recently graduated from Catachan academy - I think I mean they just through us into a pit full of orcs and forced us to climb up the corpses to get out, but that's got to count for college credits or something right? Anyway, I'm wondering if you had advice for any post academy work. Are there extension courses in warpaint ro orc butchering? Could I earn credits towards a Ecclisarchy Degree? The lack of paper around here seems to have made it difficult to determine what my options are. Not that I blame the administrium of course, I understand the trees ate the last group of lumberjacks sent out.
Wholly yours,
Timmins O'Dakka
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Bender wrote:* Realise that despite the way people talk, this is not a professional sport played by demi gods, but rather a game of toy soldiers played by tired, inebriated human beings.
https://www.victorwardbooks.com/ Home of Dark Days series |
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2017/10/03 12:11:28
Subject: Ask teh Space Emporer!
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Ancient Ultramarine Venerable Dreadnought
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ChargerIIC wrote:
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Dear Space Emperor,
My name is Timmins O'Dakka and I just recently graduated from Catachan academy - I think I mean they just through us into a pit full of orcs and forced us to climb up the corpses to get out, but that's got to count for college credits or something right? Anyway, I'm wondering if you had advice for any post academy work. Are there extension courses in warpaint ro orc butchering? Could I earn credits towards a Ecclisarchy Degree? The lack of paper around here seems to have made it difficult to determine what my options are. Not that I blame the administrium of course, I understand the trees ate the last group of lumberjacks sent out.
Wholly yours,
Timmins O'Dakka
Dear Mr. O'Dakka,
First of all, I would like to say that your mother was a really stupid person, for naming you Timmins O'Dakka. Was she trying to get you beat up in school? My oh my, parenting has really changed since I was put on this throne.
Anyway, I don't know what the Catachans are doing these days, so ask your supervisor what you can do.
Regards,
Das emp
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Dear Empys,
Could you write this year's Winter Storm Naming List? I'd do it myself, but I'm not sure which names to use.
Regards,
Winter Storm Arak'Taral
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INSANE army lists still available!!!! Now being written in 8th edition format! I have Index Imperium 1, Index Imperium 2, Index Xenos 2, Codex Orks Codex Tyranids, Codex Blood Angels and Codex Space Marines!
PM me for an INSANE (100K+ points) if you desire.
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2017/10/21 09:57:33
Subject: Ask teh Space Emporer!
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[MOD]
Otiose in a Niche
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KaptinBadrukk wrote:
Dear Empys,
Could you write this year's Winter Storm Naming List? I'd do it myself, but I'm not sure which names to use.
Regards,
Winter Storm Arak'Taral
No f'ing idea what you're talking about. So it's probably heresy.
Or some kind of Millennial thing, never understood those guys with their screw top wine bottles and new iphone every year.
E
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My Once and Future Master
Look I just can't stand it anymore, can't stand it!
I mean having to stock 100 different calibers because everyone's bolters are always mutating. Or the time we couldn't start the rhinos because Angron converted all of them to run on blood and no one told me. Or the time Perturabo added a layer of iron to all the tanks (um they're made of adamantium which stronger and lighter) and they sank into the road.
Remember the big Black Crusade in M38 that swept across the Imperium? Of course not. Because Abaddon ordered that every last bullet be inscribed with 'Death to the False Emperor in the name of Horus the true Warmaster..." went on like that for 500 words. Inscribed on EVERY bullet. There's probably some slaves still working on that 1000 years later. I told the Dark Mech guys we need a simple artillery platform like a Basilisk, they came back with this crab centaur tank think and they're like it's artillery that can defend itself in assault and I try to explain to them that it's ARTILLERY and won't be in assault...
Feh.
So tell you what I am tied of being surrounded by idiots. I want to defect back. I've got a list of Chaos attack plans, supply bases hell I'll even thrown in Abaddon's email password.
It's W4rma$ter. And at least once a week he forgets it and I have to reset to the SAME PASSWORD!
I want a complete pardon, and a beach house on Flossom's Paradise. Not much in the grand scheme of things right?
Yours
Louie, Chaos Daemon Prince of Logistics and Preventative Maintenance
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This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2017/10/21 09:57:53
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2017/10/24 00:04:09
Subject: Ask teh Space Emporer!
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Quick-fingered Warlord Moderatus
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Kid_Kyoto wrote:
My Once and Future Master
Look I just can't stand it anymore, can't stand it!
I mean having to stock 100 different calibers because everyone's bolters are always mutating. Or the time we couldn't start the rhinos because Angron converted all of them to run on blood and no one told me. Or the time Perturabo added a layer of iron to all the tanks (um they're made of adamantium which stronger and lighter) and they sank into the road.
Remember the big Black Crusade in M38 that swept across the Imperium? Of course not. Because Abaddon ordered that every last bullet be inscribed with 'Death to the False Emperor in the name of Horus the true Warmaster..." went on like that for 500 words. Inscribed on EVERY bullet. There's probably some slaves still working on that 1000 years later. I told the Dark Mech guys we need a simple artillery platform like a Basilisk, they came back with this crab centaur tank think and they're like it's artillery that can defend itself in assault and I try to explain to them that it's ARTILLERY and won't be in assault...
Feh.
So tell you what I am tied of being surrounded by idiots. I want to defect back. I've got a list of Chaos attack plans, supply bases hell I'll even thrown in Abaddon's email password.
It's W4rma$ter. And at least once a week he forgets it and I have to reset to the SAME PASSWORD!
I want a complete pardon, and a beach house on Flossom's Paradise. Not much in the grand scheme of things right?
Yours
Louie, Chaos Daemon Prince of Logistics and Preventative Maintenance
Dearest (accursed) Louie,
Thank you for your thoughtful inquiry about defecting back into my glorious, golden fold and to once again serve the Imperium of Man.
Regretfully, I must deny your application for a few very big reasons.
Firstly, how do I know this isn't some elaborate trap? Maybe you're not even aware this is a trap, and you're just some pawn for someone else to use, so they can find an opening into the Imperial Palace. Suppose this password of Abaddon's you gave me has a daemon virus inserted, for instance. I simply can't have that!
Secondly, even if what you say is true, your nature prevents me from ever accepting your help. I mean, let's face it, you're a Daemon Prince (albeit a low-ranking one, from the sound of things), and I have a strict "No Daemonic Allies" policy. They (and by extension, you) are yucky, and tend to gum up the works frequently. You're also a traitor. No take-backs!
Thirdly, I already know all of the information you've promised me. I know the whereabouts of every single supply base and plans, and Abaddon's stupid password. I even know what color his underwear is! I would gladly relay this information if it weren't for the fact that my tongue and lips rotted off eight millennia ago. I can only awkwardly open-and-close my skeletal jaw every once in a while, and my underlings can only interpret this as a game of mandible-charades.
Finally, if you're trying to escape being surrounded by idiots, the Imperium isn't much better. Half the time, the senile High Lords can't even remember what day it is, let alone what the most pressing matters before them are. The other half of the time, I have to try and stop them from doing something disastrous, like sending every Imperial Guardsman a rolling walker, just because they "felt charitable". And it only gets worse as you go down the line.
Really, you're better off trying to send a re-design of that crab tank thing.
Now, if you want to help, you can position yourself on the mining world of Septium V, and await the nice, friendly men with big "I"s on their clothes. They'll take your statements shortly after.
(Dis)Respectfully yours,
E.
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Our Most Holy Emperor,
After serving the Ultramarines Chapter for many centuries, and after counselling my brothers with faith and vigilance, I find myself... troubled. And short.
Whilst I am most grateful for your guidance, and the wisdom and leadership of our resurrected Primarch, I can't help but feel somewhat inferior with the introduction of these Primaris Marines. They're stronger, faster, and quicker than any of my brethren. Not to mention... taller.
I also can't help but wonder if this is a sign of things to come, that we will one day be phased out, cast aside, be rendered obsolete. If this be your divine will, even I would have trouble being consigned to this final fate.
Could you enlighten me on this conundrum? Will us "normal" Marines continue to serve you until the End of Time?
Glory unto you,
a humble Chaplain
P.S. ...oh, all right, I'll include this in here, too. Also one of the Primaris called me "shrimp" the other day. It made me a bit peeved.
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Lord Judicator Valdrakh of the Atun Dynasty (6th Ed: W:3, L:4, D:0)
H.B.M.C. wrote:Well GW were mostly responsible for the Berlin Wall, so it's natural for some people to harbour resentment towards them. |
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2017/10/26 02:16:08
Subject: Ask teh Space Emporer!
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Powerful Phoenix Lord
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Dr. Temujin wrote:Our Most Holy Emperor, After serving the Ultramarines Chapter for many centuries, and after counselling my brothers with faith and vigilance, I find myself... troubled. And short. Whilst I am most grateful for your guidance, and the wisdom and leadership of our resurrected Primarch, I can't help but feel somewhat inferior with the introduction of these Primaris Marines. They're stronger, faster, and quicker than any of my brethren. Not to mention... taller. I also can't help but wonder if this is a sign of things to come, that we will one day be phased out, cast aside, be rendered obsolete. If this be your divine will, even I would have trouble being consigned to this final fate. Could you enlighten me on this conundrum? Will us "normal" Marines continue to serve you until the End of Time? Glory unto you, a humble Chaplain P.S. ...oh, all right, I'll include this in here, too. Also one of the Primaris called me "shrimp" the other day. It made me a bit peeved. Chaplain, These "primaris" marines are an abomination unto me. Who dares to think they can improve upon my great design? My primarchs were perfect, having built them myself. The Space Marines created from them were nothing less. If any of these Nu-Marines cause you problems, the Death Watch will gladly take them. Your most Holy Emperor ___________________________________________________________ Oi! Ya stupid git! We'z takin Orkmageddon fer ourselfz and dere ain't nothin' you can do 'bout it. If ya fink ya got what it takez to stop uz, we'z be ready for a krumpin. Ghazzy
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This message was edited 2 times. Last update was at 2017/10/26 02:16:39
Greebo had spent an irritating two minutes in that box. Technically, a cat locked in a box may be alive or it may be dead. You never know until you look. In fact, the mere act of opening the box will determine the state of the cat, although in this case there were three determinate states the cat could be in: these being Alive, Dead, and Bloody Furious.
Orks always ride in single file to hide their strength and numbers.
Gozer the Gozerian, Gozer the Destructor, Volguus Zildrohar, Gozer the Traveler, and Lord of the Sebouillia |
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2017/11/02 17:51:18
Subject: Ask teh Space Emporer!
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Ancient Ultramarine Venerable Dreadnought
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Happyjew wrote:
Oi! Ya stupid git! We'z takin Orkmageddon fer ourselfz and dere ain't nothin' you can do 'bout it. If ya fink ya got what it takez to stop uz, we'z be ready for a krumpin.
Ghazzy
Dear Ghazzy,
There is some target practice on the planet DRIVER_LESS that you can go to instead. I really don't want to send an Exterminatus to Armageddon.
Regards,
Das emp
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Dear Emperor,
What do you think of Donald Trump? I know you're not Donald Trump, despite people knowing you as Donald Trump.
So please, tell me. What do you think of Donald Trump?
Regards,
Earth
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INSANE army lists still available!!!! Now being written in 8th edition format! I have Index Imperium 1, Index Imperium 2, Index Xenos 2, Codex Orks Codex Tyranids, Codex Blood Angels and Codex Space Marines!
PM me for an INSANE (100K+ points) if you desire.
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2017/11/02 23:18:48
Subject: Re:Ask teh Space Emporer!
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Quick-fingered Warlord Moderatus
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KaptinBadrukk wrote:
Dear Emperor,
What do you think of Donald Trump? I know you're not Donald Trump, despite people knowing you as Donald Trump.
So please, tell me. What do you think of Donald Trump?
Regards,
Earth
I'm sorry, but... who? Honestly, there's been so many different world leaders and warlords of Earth, I've lost count.
As for the guises I took on before revealing myself, I never created a persona by that name. It does remind me of that one time where I tried to unify the cradle of humanity by making myself an Emperor Penguin, and forming an army of my "brethren". It was... a less-than-successful endeavor, as all they were able to conquer was Antarctica. Any time we tried to even intimidate any humans, they would simply go "Awww, look how cute they are!" Strangely enough, I found some humans living on Antarctica in bunkers. Not sure why...
Anyways, that's all in the distant past. Aren't you glad you've been completely covered in overcrowded hive cities, Terra?
Big E.
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-- Message delivered --
KILLFRENZY KILLFRENZY KILLFRENZY KILLFRENZY KILLFRENZY KILLFRENZY KILLFRENZY KILLFRENZY KILLFRENZY KILLFRENZY KILLFRENZY KILLFRENZY KIL--
-- Error: message corrupted. Possible daemonic spam detected. Alerting Techpriest serviLFRENZY KILLFRENZY KILLFRENZY KILLFREN--
Thought for the Day: Serve the Emperor today. Tomorrow you may be deZY KILLFRENZY KILLFRENZY KILLFRENZY KILLFRENZY KILLFRENZY KILLFRENZY K--
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Lord Judicator Valdrakh of the Atun Dynasty (6th Ed: W:3, L:4, D:0)
H.B.M.C. wrote:Well GW were mostly responsible for the Berlin Wall, so it's natural for some people to harbour resentment towards them. |
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2017/11/07 08:50:47
Subject: Re:Ask teh Space Emporer!
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[MOD]
Otiose in a Niche
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-- Message delivered --
KILLFRENZY KILLFRENZY KILLFRENZY KILLFRENZY KILLFRENZY KILLFRENZY KILLFRENZY KILLFRENZY KILLFRENZY KILLFRENZY KILLFRENZY KILLFRENZY KIL--
-- Error: message corrupted. Possible daemonic spam detected. Alerting Techpriest serviLFRENZY KILLFRENZY KILLFRENZY KILLFREN--
Thought for the Day: Serve the Emperor today. Tomorrow you may be deZY KILLFRENZY KILLFRENZY KILLFRENZY KILLFRENZY KILLFRENZY KILLFRENZY K--
Sad, just sad. Once upon a time you shook the universe, whole worlds fell to your chains and now... you're spamming a tired old man.
You guys just suck. I can't wait till the Tyranids start munching on your Nose of Horror or whatever you call it.
E OUT!
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Most holy master,
For many light years my brethren and I have fought alongside the mighty Marines Primaris against the forces of Chaos. It seems like only a few months but according to my calendar it's been 2 or 3 hundred years. Time does fly.
In any case recently Brother Primaris Bolterus Maximus was recently hit in the head and needed urgent medical treatment. As I was picking bits of helmet out of his skull I found this weird chip that I'd not seen before. When I checked it, the information seemed to be entirely in Eldarese, the only thing in Space English was the words 'Order Sixty Six'. Do you think I should just put it back in and forget I ever saw it?
Sincerely,
Brother Apothacary Trapper Quincy
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2017/11/18 14:12:32
Subject: Re:Ask teh Space Emporer!
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Ancient Ultramarine Venerable Dreadnought
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Kid_Kyoto wrote:
Most holy master,
For many light years my brethren and I have fought alongside the mighty Marines Primaris against the forces of Chaos. It seems like only a few months but according to my calendar it's been 2 or 3 hundred years. Time does fly.
In any case recently Brother Primaris Bolterus Maximus was recently hit in the head and needed urgent medical treatment. As I was picking bits of helmet out of his skull I found this weird chip that I'd not seen before. When I checked it, the information seemed to be entirely in Eldarese, the only thing in Space English was the words 'Order Sixty Six'. Do you think I should just put it back in and forget I ever saw it?
Sincerely,
Brother Apothacary Trapper Quincy
Dear Quincy,
Yes, you should put it back in and forget your ever saw it.
Regards,
Das emp
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Dear Emperor,
So, what's your verdict on the 2017 Hurricane Season? Yes, I know it doesn't end for another 12 days, but here's mine.
Very Active and Destructive season. Hope we never get another one like it.
What's yours?
Regards,
Hurricane Lover
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INSANE army lists still available!!!! Now being written in 8th edition format! I have Index Imperium 1, Index Imperium 2, Index Xenos 2, Codex Orks Codex Tyranids, Codex Blood Angels and Codex Space Marines!
PM me for an INSANE (100K+ points) if you desire.
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2017/11/18 17:00:09
Subject: Re:Ask teh Space Emporer!
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Longtime Dakkanaut
On a surly Warboar, leading the Waaagh!
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KaptinBadrukk:
"Dear Emperor,
So, what's your verdict on the 2017 Hurricane Season? Yes, I know it doesn't end for another 12 days, but here's mine.
Very Active and Destructive season. Hope we never get another one like it.
What's yours?
Regards,
Hurricane Lover"
Dear HL,
Just drop the Chinese a note and tell them their myth is getting out of hand. That should sort it.
Enjoying a Pina Colada on the throne,
A very chilled Emperor
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Dear Celestial Overlord,
So I'm heading over to Adepticon in 4 months and I usually bring the Waaagh with Orcs, but this year I want to do a totally new army, list, etc. Which army, in your divine opinion, should I roll with? Heretical options on the table, just for arguments sake... .
Thanks for your input and I hope you're enjoying that premium Pina Colada mix I sent you last Christmas.
Sincerely,
BigWaaagh
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This message was edited 2 times. Last update was at 2017/11/18 17:02:57
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2017/11/26 10:06:15
Subject: Re:Ask teh Space Emporer!
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[MOD]
Otiose in a Niche
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Dear Celestial Overlord,
So I'm heading over to Adepticon in 4 months and I usually bring the Waaagh with Orcs, but this year I want to do a totally new army, list, etc. Which army, in your divine opinion, should I roll with? Heretical options on the table, just for arguments sake... .
Thanks for your input and I hope you're enjoying that premium Pina Colada mix I sent you last Christmas.
Sincerely,
BigWaaagh
Well I find that when I go to war I never feel right unless I have an army of 10' tall guys dressed in SOLID GOLD, I think they're called the SOLID GOLD DANCERS but I could be misremembering. And make sure they bring along their SOLID GOLD Caddies too, cause everything is better when it's SOLID GOLD.
Yours
King of Bling
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So yeah, it looks like we're in for an invasion by an army of Space Demons and possibly a big dude with an axe. So I'm putting a team together, I've got a Sister of Battle, a combat servitor, a kid who runs real, real fast, and dude who's like totally good at swimming AND has a pitchfork. And then there's me, I'm rich (so much money, all the moneyes).
Do you think that's enough, or should I use heretical alien technology to raise this Space Marine dude from the dead and turn him into some sort of unholy cyber super zombie monster?
Yours
Bryce Bain
Gotham Hive, Dceu Cluster
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2018/09/11 01:11:47
Subject: Re:Ask teh Space Emporer!
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[MOD]
Otiose in a Niche
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(celebrating one year with no new posts!)
Kid_Kyoto wrote:
So yeah, it looks like we're in for an invasion by an army of Space Demons and possibly a big dude with an axe. So I'm putting a team together, I've got a Sister of Battle, a combat servitor, a kid who runs real, real fast, and dude who's like totally good at swimming AND has a pitchfork. And then there's me, I'm rich (so much money, all the moneyes).
Do you think that's enough, or should I use heretical alien technology to raise this Space Marine dude from the dead and turn him into some sort of unholy cyber super zombie monster?
Yours
Bryce Bain
Gotham Hive, Dceu Cluster
Well as you know I have a simple rule about using unholy alien technology to raise dead superwarriors to fight once again.
Go for it!
What could it hurt amIright?
(Looks at Bryce's box office)
Ah never mind.
Byg E
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Hey man, so the other day I was selling Space Beef (which I call Speef) to Space Pakistan (which I call Spakistan) and Space Pork (which I call Spork) to Space India (which I call Spindia). And things were going OK until my invoices got mixed up and ended selling some Speef to Spindia and Spork to Spakistan. So long story short I had to get out of town fast.
So I've been crashing at my friend Elucia's place and I have one thing. I mean she has a ship with like a million billion crew or whatever, but only five guards. Granted she also has her bridge crew, Nurse Kruger, Big Metal Dude, Bondage Ninja and Shotgun Guy (who I call Shotguy) oh and the doggie, such a good boy. But you'd think she'd like more than 5 guards in case like her crew get infected with chaos coodies or whatever.
Now I don't like to cause trouble for my host and stuff, hey it's her ship and to her credit she never tried to sell Spork to Spakistan, but do you think I should bring it up?
Yours,
Rogue Randy, the Rogue Trader
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2018/09/11 14:59:58
Subject: Ask teh Space Emporer!
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Stubborn Prosecutor
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Dear Randy?
You know I abolished Christianity, Islam and Hinduism, right? Hell how do you even know these are a thing? I'm getting the Inquisition, clearly you've been reading something you shouldn't have - or your a perputual. The solution is the same either way.
Also Elucia pays her imperial tithes and you don't - guess which one I like better?
Please tip the inquisitor that delivers this to you (before the torture begins),
Space Emperor and Your God.
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Dear Space Emperor,
I am glad my missive has reached you. I am a poor Imperial Governer whose homeworld has been overthorwn by agents of chaos. My family was able to relocate 100,000,000 SPACE CREDITS. As you are a LOYAL IMPERIAL CITIZEN, and we are currently out of favor with the ADMINISTRATUM we wish to arrange for you to transfer the funds, keeping 10% OF SPACE CREDIT to the BANK OF YOUR CHOICE. This will allow my LOYAL IMPERIAL FAMILY to continue to wage war against the UNHOLY forces of CHAOS that impede our progress and make you rich. If able to help us out TO YOUR FINANCIAL BENEFIT than please forward your account edtails and biometrics to me at your EARLIEST OPPORTUNITY.
BLESS THE EMPEROR,
a HUMBLE IMPERIAL GOVERNER
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This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2018/09/11 15:04:52
Bender wrote:* Realise that despite the way people talk, this is not a professional sport played by demi gods, but rather a game of toy soldiers played by tired, inebriated human beings.
https://www.victorwardbooks.com/ Home of Dark Days series |
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2018/09/11 19:39:37
Subject: Ask teh Space Emporer!
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Veteran Knight Baron in a Crusader
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+++ ASTROPATHIC DUCT INTERCEPT: GREATER-MAILER-DEMON@FAAILURE.NOTICE.ASTROPATH.CO.UK+++
+++FAILED MESSAGE NOTICE+++
Sorry, we were unable to deliver your message to the following address.
<Space.Emperor69@imperialpalace.co.uk>
Please check the address and try again.
+++IT IS BETTER TO DIE FOR THE EMPEROR THAN TO LIVE FOR YOURSELF+++
+++MESSAGE ENDS+++
Dear Space Emperor, Beloved by all,
What is the answer to Life, the Universe & Everything?
Sincerely,
Deep Thought
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This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2018/09/11 19:40:12
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2018/09/16 16:51:04
Subject: Ask teh Space Emporer!
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Ancient Ultramarine Venerable Dreadnought
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gruebot wrote:
Dear Space Emperor, Beloved by all,
What is the answer to Life, the Universe & Everything?
Sincerely,
Deep Thought
Dear Deep Thought,
42.
Signed,
Empys
-------------------------------------
Hello,
We wood like to visit for a midnight znack. How does Ice Cream and brains zound?
sincerely,
the Zombies
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INSANE army lists still available!!!! Now being written in 8th edition format! I have Index Imperium 1, Index Imperium 2, Index Xenos 2, Codex Orks Codex Tyranids, Codex Blood Angels and Codex Space Marines!
PM me for an INSANE (100K+ points) if you desire.
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2018/10/29 16:27:27
Subject: Ask teh Space Emporer!
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[MOD]
Otiose in a Niche
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KaptinBadrukk wrote:
Hello,
We wood like to visit for a midnight znack. How does Ice Cream and brains zound?
sincerely,
the Zombies
Check with the Zombified Corpse of Malcador the Sigillite, he'll set you up. I think we have some spare corpses in the basement after I drained their souls.
Us deathless folks gotta stay together y'know.
Yours,
E
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Almighty one,
My most wise lord, for many light years I have studied your scripture but one thing continues to puzzle me.
In the Book of Big Steve it is written:
"Lo! Did Teh Space Emporer sit at the table of the restaurant and Lo! did the waitress ask unto him 'Wilst thou have thine Grox Strew or thine Grork Roast' and thus did Teh Space Emporer reply 'I shall have unto me the Grox Stew' and it was good."
Thus we have established that Grork Roast is unclean in your eyes and unfit for the faithful and we shall feast upon Grox Stew.
However in the Book of Skinny Johnny it is written:
"Lo! Did Teh Space Emporer sit upon the seat of his flight to Newark and Lo! did the stewardess as unto him 'Wilst thou have thine Grox Stew or thine Grork Roast' and thus did Teh Space Emporer reply 'I shall have unto me the Grork Roast' and it was good."
Thus we have established that Grox Stew is unclean in your eyes and unfit for the faithful and we shall feast upon Grork Roast.
Master, which interpretation is correct? Our chefs await your reply!
Yours,
Brother Father Master Patriarch Sam
Temple of Teh Emporer's Sacred Meals
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