Quitting Daemon Princes webcomic, Bob & Fred - July 2018 update

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**Brothererekose**

"Bob and Fred here. Been a year since we got boned on what you nooBs won't know about. Something wonderful called Lash o' --"
"Bob! Dang. We're freakin' CHAOS!! And that means change, bitch. And that Lash o' Sub horse is well and truly beaten, turned into chair leather, Archy Bunker-assed out, put to the curb, and hauled off. Get over it."
"Right. Anyway, someone else has taken a serious nerf given GW's January-annual, "Who're we gonna **** this year?"
"Bob, I don't think even asterisks are okay. We're gonna get in trouble with the Admin of the 'site."

"No, in this situation, it's warranted and appropiate. Right Eldy?"
** sigh **
"Yeah, to have to actually get out and look at the battle. Guide some Dire Avengers ... I mean, I'm cool with the FootDar build and watching our Burning God lead the troops fearlessly into battle, but when i *could* still kick it inside my ride ... with my ipad bumpin', Corinthian leather upholstery, an elvish hottie pouring me another Mai-tai ... while the holofield fends off railgun rounds, with Fortuned Jink saves .... "
**sigh**

"I really don't like the smell of anything except recycled air through Wave Serpent A/C systems."

"And Mai-Tais. And sweaty elvish hottie phermones."
"Shut up, Fred. Eldrad, what? Fresh air mess with your sensitive elf nose?"

"More like the polluted skies of the worlds befouled by Men and daemons, and pretty much the rest of the "sentient" filth of the galaxy. Even tau have a low-tide kinda smell."

"And well, I have to admit. Given that I'm the foremost talented pre-cog in the game, I didn't see this coming ... and all those sales on Timberlands just ended ... "
"Uh, dude, doncha think that Kairos holds that title?"

"Well, eldren, we're going to have to hit the shops. Windbreakers, thermal underwear, actual helmets, not just headgear and decent, battle functional boots."
"Outlets right?"
"Road-Trip! Vegas!!"
"Farseer Breakwind, you and your crew are going to have to forego those colors. White and mauve just aren't battleground savvy."
"Mauve? This is Liche Purple!"

"Do you think L.L. Bean will accept CraftWorld Credit cards?"
"As long as we don't have to actually go too rugged, like Big 5 or ... Sportmart!"
(all) "Eeewww!!"
"Easy now, we have bad enough a reputation as flits and fashionistas as is."

"Well, boys, I guess I'll bring a pinocle deck. Texas Hold'em or Bridge? Dominoes? Risk? I figured I'd be side-lined like you two. I mean you're not really seeing much action are you? As CSM or daemons, huh?"
"Well, there's developments on that. But that will be on the next episode of Quitting DPs."

"By the way, we gotta change the name. We keep coming up on 'Net SEARCHes for DP. The sort of ... hmm , how would we say this on a PG13 website? A dual lightning claw, vehicle penetration sort of 'Net SEARCH?"

"I don't see what's wrong with that."
"No one would expect you to, Slaanesh boy."

** for non-USA readers, Big 5 and Sportmart are chain stores selling, you guessed it, outdoor gear, including hiking boots.
I wonder, can you get good hiking boots at Tesco in the UK?
And in case don't 'get what this episode is about, check out GW's latest Jan 2013 FAQs, Eldar specifically. But since my audience is smart, this clarification is only for the nooBs.

**Brothererekose**

"Hey, folks. It's time to go check out GW's 'site. The February release of the new Daemon book is out --"
" -- Suck it, tau players -- "

" -- Heh, yeah. They're still waiting for some update love. Anyway, we're back to management. Daemon Princes are *not* listed in the Heavy Support category. Grunt labor was cool for a while, but now we're off the Heavy rotation and back to wearing a tie and carrying clipboards."
"Forget the corporate threads. There's a lot of new models being released. And I'm talking like Victoria's Secret models. I'm wondering if the new Slaanesh girls are going to be as hot in person and on the field."
"Heh. You got a one track mind, Fred. Slut."

"I wonder if the screamer/flamer spam is gonna be the craze it is now. "
"Yeah, that bit of broken cheese is gonna have a short shelf life, but don't quote me on that. Bad-Breathe of Chaos might just get a boost, or a nerf -- "
"Assault 1 blast."
"Oh, that'd cause players to become actual *screamers*."
"Petulant little girls screamers."
"Heh. Maybe they'll squeal like your little Slaany girls."
"If only."

**Brothererekose**

"Yeah, yeah. New daemon codex comes out MONTHS ago, and not a peep from us. So what?

Sometimes you gotta realize that we Slaanesh daemons have our priorities straight."

"Whachu think? Do we have a winner? Doesn't need a caption, does it?"

**King Pariah**

lol, I missed this

**Brothererekose**

“Alright, daemonites, gather ‘round! It’s Uncle Fred’s story time.”
“YAY!”
“Once upon a time, two god-titans fought a mighty battle. After a rough and terrible game, the end of turn 5 comes along and - -”

“Oooh, oooh, I know what happens! I know! The roll for game’s end happens! Right, Uncle Fred?”

“That’s right, little Plague Bearer. There’s a last die roll, to see if the game ends or continues on to another turn. Well, the one god-titan, who was winning, rolls the die and it lands on a large blast template.”
“Oh, no! Blast template!”
"Eeeeee!"

“It’s okay, little Dees! The template was just sitting on the table, it wasn’t being used. You kids can relax.”

“So, if the template wasn't used for anything, was the game over?”

“Well, that’s just it, Kirby Khorne BloodLetter. The god-titan who needed the game to go on, to have a chance to win, didn’t think so. He asked the Ruling Supreme-god, whose name is Tee-Oh to come and Judge the roll. Here, I’ll cast a little seeing spell and you can see what happened.”

all - “Huh!?!?”

“What’s to judge, Uncle Fred? The die is flat.”

“Kirby, we need to finish our story. Now, Tee-Oh looked upon the situation and ruled that indeed, the battle was over. The god-titan who was going to lose pleaded his case - that it was *not* flat and needed to be rerolled. Mighty and Ultimate power, Tee-Oh looked at the die, looked closely, saw it sitting on the template, flat on the table’s surface. He looked up at the god-titan and passed Judgement. Game Over.”

. . .

“Uncle Fred? I don’t understand. The casino dice was on a template.”

“Yes, it was.”

“And casino dice are big, with *really* sharp edged.”

“Yes.”

“Not like smaller, pitted dice, with round edges that easily can be tilted by even the smallest of wrinkles on the surface.”

“Right again.”

** many daemons chatter and discuss **
“Uncle Fred, what was - -"

“ ... what was the losing g- - - wait, what the heck was that?!?”

“Um, looked like the steering control for maybe a ... jetbike?”

“And that? One of those razorwings?"
"Was that a cloud?”
“I guess so. Maybe.”

“Well, what do those have to do with the story?”

“Oh, nothing. Remember, we’re in the Warp and random, weird things happen. Like right now, you just turned into Hot Cheetos.”

“And now the ground is sandy, not green.”

“Uncle Fred, I’m scared.”
“You are a Fearless scion of Hate and Fury! These changes should NOT scare you.”

“Yeah, well, *I* am frightened. Some god-titan would so desperately want to win a game that he would ask Mighty Tee-Oh to rule on something so obvious - - “
“Don’t worry, Susie. Some god-titans are just crazy. But, Mighty Tee-Oh is not.”

. . . .

**hiveof_chimera**

MOAR

**Briancj**

And this is why I do not play in tournaments, anymore.

**Matt1785**

I agree, should have been re-rolled. Flat is only flat when it's flat on the flat table... not the flat template. I can see grounds for a solid argument there, especially at a tournament.

These are some of the most solid model based toons I have seen, awesome. Keep 'em coming.

**Andilus Greatsword**

Ah tournaments, how I'm glad I do not attend thee in 6th ed...

**Freytag93**

Sadly, I know a few people at my FLGS who would have argued this... Great comic! Keep 'em coming man!

**timetowaste85**

I'm glad you brought these guys back! I've missed them and your work. Good show, old boy.

**Tactical_Genius**

Keep em coming

**Brothererekose**

zoom! zoom! meroooowwwwww! brakada

dakka

!!!

pew-pew, pachow!

zoom, zoom, zoom!

“Cripes! Who’d have thought of running SM speeders? Squadrons of ‘em!? With dual HBs? *Backed* by Heavy Bolter Dev squads!? Pure dumb-assery!”

“I dunno, man, volume fire with Prescience?"
“Yeah, Twin-linked for all sucks."

"Anyway, I’m gonna take off again and fry ‘em while FMC. ”

“‘Okay, Fred. I think I can flank the devs behind the short ruins, I think they’re blocked LoS -- “

brakada dakka dakka!!!

dakka

dakka !!
"Then again, maybe a turn under cover is a good idea . . . . “

zoom! Meerrrooooowwwwww ! zoom dakka dak-- **WUMP!!** bang, fwwoomp! crackle, crackle crackle
(fire noise)

Zimmmmmmm. Zimmmmmm. fffffoooo *pop*
Zimmmmmmm. Zimmmmmm. Bang! *crash*, roll, crash, crumple, crumple. Crunch. *AIRBAG!!*

. . . .

“Way to go, Fred! did he actually assault it? I don’t remember his fire sounding like that though .... ”

“ . . . “

“Bob?”

“Yeah, Fred, why'd you land?”

“Imperial boyz are all trashed. I can't claim the credit though. Seems like we've been joined by a Gundam Wing reject. I didn’t know we allied with the space elves.”

“Me neither.”

“What the hell do we do? That foot is bigger than my torso. Almost bigger than yours, fatty.”

“Shut up, Fred. Your head is bigger.”

“Weak come back.”

“Shut up, Fred. Hey there! Hey! Thanks for the help - - ”

Zimmmm! Zimmm!
“Oh, Sh - - ”
Zimmmm! Zimmm!

“Cripes! Didn’t we just leave this party?”
“Maybe it's that 'Eye-ball the enemy game mechanic' you know, where you fire on your desperate allies? Like a six inch thing?”
“I don't think that exists.”

JUMP*THUMP*
“Uh, oh. If it's right above us, we don't get cover saves, do we?"
“No. And our Invulns have always sucked, so ... .”

Zimmmm! Zimmm! fffffooooo *pop*
Zimmmm! Zimmm! ffffooooooo *pop*
“My guess is that's the WraithCannon going all Distort and Instant Death.”
To Wound:

To Wound:

“Okay, saving throws - - !! ”
save:

save:

“Ha! Slaany daemon reroll!"
save:

“Honestly, I'm not surprised."

. . . . . . .

beetoot teep! “Hello? *cgcgcg* Hello? Astropath? *gcgcckk* Yeah, get me 4000th Century Insurance. . . . Hello? 4000th Century? Before I file a claim, I will need a flatbed. Make it three flatbeds. Yeah, I got my policy through Imperial Terra ... “

**Brothererekose**

"Wow, okay that was 'fun with onomatopoeias.' Geez, no mp3 file? It's not like this is the internet where audio files can be part of the video, sheesh."

. . . .
"Who's our next opponent?"

"More damned Tau-Crons."

"Man, I've had my ass-fill of Phoenix Lord & XV8 Commander buffing, tanking for a ReaperStar - Wait, what? Not Tau-DAR? Didju say Tau Necrons?"

"Yeah, some GT stomping list from BoLS. Mighta been that Goatman dude ... Goat girl?"

"I didn't see that. Been too busy trolling on Warseer and Bolter and ChainS - - ."

"Yeah, the meta changed again. Another digi-book. Zahndrekh the Mechanic and onclave, or . . . Mike and the Mechanics ... ? Ziggy Stardu - - "

"Damn it! Didja check the Dakka forums? Maybe those Frontlinegaming clowns posted a tactics article! How're we gonna adjust to that? Doesn't sound like a flying circus."

"Yeah, we gotta keep adjusting. Don't worry, I'm fast enough to keep up with GW's high speed release schedule, unlike you, bloat-bag."

"Yeah, yeah. Slaany and Tzeentch Dees are the top dogs now, and the red and green are second class citizens. Quit rubbing it in - -"

"Oops, wait, sorry man, it's Sister of Battle."

"Huh? Sisters? Wait, I thought - - "

"Nope, sorry, man. Now it's 'Nids-Crons - - "

"Wait, Fred - ?"

"Imperial Guard just got released. Lotsa new allied combos."

"Fred."

"Now guard with orks. It's called double green-blob."

"Fred."

"Wait. Surprise, there's another round of FAQs. Get this, Grey Knight Storm Ravens *and* Tau Riptides got nerfed. 'Bout time, eh?"

"Fre-ed."

"Okay, we can adjust, it's 2015, 7th Edition is being released - "

"Fred!"

WAP!!!!

"Huh? Hey. Umm. What just happened? Didju hit me?"

"Yes and no, old chump. It seems the old Warp Time somehow worked its way into the comic again."

**Brothererekose**

"Hello, folks, Bob and Fred with something possibly special here. We're going to open an old box."

"2007 Apocalypse, vintage."

"That was like, end of 4th edition, right? Damn old."

"The Windrider Host box. Nine elves on bikes."

"And two worthless vipers."

"Still in plastic-wrap."

"I wonder if the air inside is less polluted? Before your Nurgle stink taints it, we might measure it ... "

"Up yours, STD petri-dish. Slaany-Tried & Died. Haw!"

"Too late."

. . .

"But this is perfect for forming the dreaded JetSeer ... Council-Star, DeathSeer ... BikeStar? Dang! What was it called?"

"The two plus, reroll-able, DeathStar? Pffff! That cover save won't work in hand to hand, and their Invulns are 50% likely. Screw 'em!" **

"With their "i've got something to prove, social climber" Sathonyx tanking wounds at a two plus Invulnerable ... "

"Who cares? I'm excited. I'm looking forward to chasing down and drubbing these guys. Close line 'em off their rides, and then smash those bikes like a Los Angeles freeway 'motor cycle' down, sig-alert."

"Go ahead, shrink wrap is loose, you open her up. I'm gonna get something . . . . "

"What the ... seriously?"

"I'm tellin' ya, Bob. Nothing much surprises me anymore, that's why I already got these."

** Bob might not be taking in to account that their h2h Invulns might just be Fortuned. Eh, it's iffy.

**Brothererekose**

"Hello. Folks in the UK and Europe will be waking up shortly. So, here it is. Merry Christmas."

"Yeah, sorry for the totally out-of-40k-context, holiday post."
"Whatever."
"Maybe someone working for Fox News will get bent out of shape over this."
"Huh? How?"
"Well, 40k is all about war. And we usually mock things. So maybe that O'Realy, what's-his-name, will call this another attack on Christmas ... 'ORLY' ? "

"Maybe they should just get bent."

"Oh, yeah, here's our newest member. Steve."
"Hey--"

"Enough of that. Here's our 40k Christmas message."

"For the Emrah!"

"Great. Green & red. Well, wholesome green, anyway. Maybe they should be called Pine Angels, instead of Dark?"
"Heh."
"How about our Old Testament contingent?"
"You mean, other 'holiday' messages, like Kwanzaa?"
"I dunno about that one. But the menorah lighters. You know, battling the greeks, and the oil not running out."

"Sounds like we're back to the dark angels and their ammo never running out. Which battle was that?"
"Yeah. Huh."
"Yeah, anyway, maybe something in blue and white, since that's the light displays. Maybe a Tzeentch daemon?"
"Too sacriligous."

"How about me?"

"NO!!!"
"NO!!!"
"NO!!!"

"Hey, you space elves are good guys. And you're like, one of the oldest religions/cultures in 40k. So parallel enough? One of you."

"Good enough? Or shall I sing Moaz tzur?"
"Was that a tzeentch daemon's name?"
"No, it's a hebrew song and your sentiments are four weeks late, you idiots."

"Um, okay. We're done, here."
"Man, this comic will look lame come next summer."
"No one asked you, Steve."

**I doubt this will achieve "A Charlie Brown Christmas" status. Or even Grinch.

**Brothererekose**

"Bob and Fred and what's-his-name are down and out for the count. So, Eldrad, Buff-Mander and myself are going to have to host this episode of B&F."

"Huurrll."
"Way too much ... um, 'training' for the Beer Hammer event."

"Since the demon crew couldn't keep their act together, the team, army that *will* be going to the LVO, will be us, a Net-Paste/Copy Tau-Dar list. Right, Elddy?"
"Lotsa cheap beer, a philosophy for extremes and no regard for mutated livers. An ork coulda predicted this."
"Huurrll."

"We can handle it, he says. Stupid Slaany demon."

"Might not make it to Vegas, but I'm feeling good .... "

"Huurrll."

"Just wanted to let the LVO attendees know, there will be yet ANOTHER Taudar list, with Buff-Mander, farseer and lotsa Prescience goofery, and my marker light, Twin-Linked, Ignores Cover, AP 1 & 2 Fun! Jetbikes? Hell, YEAH! Suck it, kids!"

**Andilus Greatsword**

Booooo, Tau-Dar!

**Brothererekose**

Full disclosure:
I'm bringing spess muhreens to the LVO.

But it was funnier to threaten to bring a Taudar list.

**Andilus Greatsword**

Haha well then you're good in my books.

**Brothererekose**

"This one has been a long time in coming. No caption necessary. Heh."

**Brothererekose**

"Bob here. I'm with Hekatrix 'Candy'. What's going on?"

"Candera of the Honed-Blade."
"Sure."
...
"It's been some time since we, the Dark Eldar army, were out and about getting any exercise or action. The Baron and some token Kabbies-tax got some milage with a Jetstar. But the rest of us have been in storage since the advent of Overwatch and 6th edition."

"I heard the Baron's first outting spectacularly failed. Losing his two-up on Turn 1, on a Dangerous Terrain test? Isn't that like 1 in 36 and then another 36 chance? Fortuned, yet?"
"Sathonyx is a dupe who let's himself get used by our self-hating cousins. A complete tool.

He's yesterday's bell-bottom pants. With seventh edition, MSU is tops again and the deathstars are on their way out as Maelstrom missions need more units, and really mobile ones. We fit that bill."
"Definitely. Although my work has mostly been that summoning thing, but it's infrequent and the paychecks are spotty. The little Dees are rolling in cash with overtime paychecks."
"Pff. Psyckers. We got Crucible of Malediction for that."

"So, as part of our re-entry into things we're getting a partial face lift. We never really liked the base colors. I mean yellow? And purple? Really? When's the last time the LA Lakers mattered?

It's time to scrape it off and start over. First, a soak to loosen up the senics, grass and base paint."

"What's the new look gonna be?"
"Likely, snow with dark rocky bits. It ought to set off the purples, blacks and blues far better. Think that Alpine print from the FrontLineGames Table War game mat." **
"Sounds good."

"Some of you are already losing the yellow. Good. Uhm, Candy, what about being rusty after so long?"
"Oh, we're running some exercises on the court. Non-lethal games like volleyball and basketball."

. . .
"Um, what happen? Where's all the water come from?"
"Well, we needed to get the bases loosened up so we booked the Pauley Pavilion at UCLA."

. . .
"What? Too soon?"

** these things are awesome to play on.

**Mad..**

Heh, Dark Eldar footbath.

Good to see the comic is still ticking along, I like these as they are well done

**Brothererekose**

Working on the next one.

**Brothererekose**

"Heh, who needs writers when there's the 'Net?

Huh. Crap, I can't capture it."

"You have the internet skills of a quaker."

"Eat me, Fred. Oh, well, follow the link, folks.

Third picture down. Enjoy."

https://www.erfworld.com/blog/view/21298/dice-shaming-post-yours

**Brothererekose**

"Hi, Bob and Fred here and a new book drop--"

WHUMP!!!!
" Hello? Ton of bricks-"
"Ow, what the he-- ?"

"Promotion, BITCHES!!!!!!!!!"

**creeping-deth87**

Fething amazing.

**Mad..**

LOL. Nice promo shoot, love this comic

**Neconilis**

I love this comic, so nice to see it back.

**Lint**

So much sauce here. Glad to see an update!